the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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