help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You are a genius and a whore.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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