I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
