My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
