im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
