even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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