Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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