I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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