just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize