So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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