Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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