We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
