Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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