i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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