I just pynch a tree in the face
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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