Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize