Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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