Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
