I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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