After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
