I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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