my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
