my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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