Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
