Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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