omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
