Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
