when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
