OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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