No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
