my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
