dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
