and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
