I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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