Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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