Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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