we have pet lesbian snakes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
