She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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