Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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