U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
