I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..