I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse