Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.