i need an iv and a liver transplant
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she smelled like a LAN party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
