i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
