Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
