i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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