So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
