I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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