I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's JV to your varsity
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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