and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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