I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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