I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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