she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
