this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
