Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
