we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
