My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
