I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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