Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.