Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.

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  (765): just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away. http://tfl.nu/4aee
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  dude, your ex-bf is on match.com

  (847): View more from Illinois

  details on that.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.

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  (312): dude, your ex-bf is on match.com (847): details on that. (312): well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes. http://tfl.nu/50kk
  Replies (6) Good night (1961) Bad night (801)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.

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  (845): i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie. http://tfl.nu/9q37
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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  (216): i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure. http://tfl.nu/jrrk
  Replies (21) Good night (702) Bad night (5005) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.

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  (609): I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me. http://tfl.nu/wd99
  Replies (43) Good night (709) Bad night (5106) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  my being single is dangerous.

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  (561): my being single is dangerous. http://tfl.nu/5ief
  Replies (24) Good night (4911) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.

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  (408): im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college. http://tfl.nu/q0uk
  Replies (12) Good night (7172) Bad night (851)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on

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  (604): This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on http://tfl.nu/bpc0
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.

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  (253): I just did a sobriety test in a tutu. http://tfl.nu/m861
  Replies (5) Good night (3209) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.

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  (615): The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw. http://tfl.nu/u9lh
  Replies (10) Good night (651) Bad night (2693)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.

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  (636): So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN. http://tfl.nu/pnvk
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.

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  (850): Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids. http://tfl.nu/dauy
  Replies (5) Good night (1145) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?

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  (734): But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know? http://tfl.nu/qpnv
  Replies (14) Good night (521) Bad night (996)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.

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  (914): So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy. http://tfl.nu/skqk
  Replies (3) Good night (745) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.

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  (203): Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off. http://tfl.nu/jh7m
  Replies (5) Good night (227) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt

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