Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?