I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail