"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.