if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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